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4 stages to upgrading your love journey

I’m not that great at remembering quotes. I’m always so impressed, and honestly a bit jealous of those who can pull perfect quotes out of their memory bank to connect to an idea or help someone deepen into their experience.

But there is one. One quote that has never left my memory, because well, it defines my journey. It’s been my north star, my guiding light, my reminder of why I’m here doing what I’m doing.

Ready for it?

“The seed of our sacred work is buried in our deepest wounds.”

This is to say that this attachment business is both my sacred work and my deepest wound. And, we don’t get a Hero’s Journey rooted in attachment stuff unless we had some major destabilizing factors in our early childhood.

For me, it was parental disharmony and infidelity in very early childhood, drawn out illness and death of my father at age 4, a sibling with chronic disease and disabilities, being raised by a single parent who worked a lot to make a nice life for her two kids, but wasn’t around much, while she was also navigating an unpleasant, high-conflict relationship that spanned most of my childhood and lasted until she died very suddenly when I was 22.

Now, that’s just the highlight reel of the hard stuff. There were truly wonderful aspects to my childhood too. And I do not underestimate the great fortune of not having had to endure any kind of abuse. I hold that aspect of my childhood with tremendous gratitude and know that it is a rare thing to get to claim, which breaks my heart in and of itself. But I outline the above because our relationship to our parental figures, our roles in our family system, the stress factors in the household, and our parents relationships to their romantic counterparts which we witness and absorb, lay the groundwork for the kinds of attachment journeys we’ll be maneuvering in our adulthood. And the result of my setup is that relationships have been hard to get into and hard to maintain.

But relationships have also been the thing I’ve been most fascinated by in life. Both my own and everyone else’s. I find them infinitely interesting and rich. They give us so much information about where we’re at with ourselves. They are profound teachers and profound mirrors. They can satisfying us, or disrupt us more so than just about anything else can. I am absolutely riveted by the business of relationships, and how we can grow through, and because of them.

The seed of my sacred work, buried in my deepest wounds.

And so I’ve been on this journey now, since my early 20’s. Working on healing myself— my terrified heart, my grippy attachment, my insecure, doubt-ridden mind.

And through this process, I’ve developed a curriculum of sorts, broken down into 4 distinct stages:

We start with learning how to Manage the symptoms of insecure attachment, and a dysregulated nervous system. The symptoms present as obsessive thinking and hyper-fixation. High-level anxiety that makes you want to crawl out of your skin. Feeling disconnected from yourself. Ungrounded. Panicked. Distracted. Fearful. See Intervention Plan for Obsessive Thinking to learn more about how you can receive a robust toolkit for managing the symptoms of an insecure attachment style.

Once you have a solid toolkit for working with obsessive thinking and are putting it to use, you can move into the Centering stage, which is rooted in self-inquiry. Here you’ll take a deeper dive into yourself, through a curated selection of questions over the course of 3 months. This can be a DIY self-paced journey, or you can add on the session package which will give you 3, 1:1 sessions, to help you unravel patterns of over-giving, codependency, unrequited love, and self-abandonment. Learn more about Setting Yourself Free Through Self-Inquiry.

One you’ve centered yourself through deep investigation, you’re ready to Embody new thoughts, beliefs and behaviors of secure attachment through the 7 Pillars of Liberated Love. 7 Pillars is a guide and workbook created to help you infuse a secure mindset and approach to connection into your day-to-day lifestyle. You can simply purchase the book and work through it on your own, or you can take the deep-dive journey with me, in an 8-session program, integrating each pillar, so they are easy to access in your consciousness whenever you need them.

And finally, we get to the Resonate phase. Founded on the principle that you don’t manifest what you want, you manifest what you already have and are. After you’ve learned how to manage the symptoms of insecure attachment, are more centered in your self-knowing through the inquiry journey, are able to embody mindsets and behaviors that facilitate a more secure connection style, you are ready to get into the more subtle frequencies of resonating love, upgrading your system to greater internal wholeness, and attracting higher quality connection as a result. Align with Love, coming soon. Sign up on the waitlist on the homepage.

You can enter the journey at any stage, depending on where you find yourself on your love journey. Feel free to book a free 15-minute consultation call if you’d like some support assessing the best entry point for you.

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